Henry David Thoreau once said “beware of all enterprises that require new clothes” I have lived my life with quite the opposite philosophy, really. The mere thought of a ‘new enterprise’ is immediately followed by what amazing new wardrobe that it inspires. Over the years however I have managed to make more and more sensible purchases, the days of me discovering a shirt I found a year ago in my closet with the tags still attached are over, now I am more wont to hunt down the “perfect” shoe and buy it in both oxford and derby styles in both black and brown.
I found the perfect summer shirt at Uniqlo. Short sleeved polyester button front with a button down collar. I grabbed a half dozen in white, taupe and light blue. Paired with a wife beater t-shirt underneath and a pair of trousers and they’re perfect for grabbing beers at the Frying Pan with friends or attending the opening reception for the Brothers Quay Exhibit at MoMA. It’s funny how many compliments I get on such a simple combination — suddenly I feel fresh and jaunty, like a colorful, well styled model in a Bennetton advertisement. This is what I was wearing the other day on 8th Avenue after swinging by Midtown Comics. I was strutting along pretending to be turning the heads of everyone around me when I spotted what, in that moment, was the world’s hottest man. The kind you commonly see on the streets of New York during the summer; Ken doll generic, tall and muscle-y and wearing very little clothing.
I was admiring the curvature of his pectorals from the side as he fiddled with an ATM machine when I stepped right into a mud puddle. Since my head was turned the whole time, I never saw it coming. All I felt was the sudden loss of sidewalk under my Bruno Maglis and a wet splashing against my socks. It was like I had hopped into a bowl of ammonia scented day old coffee. As I mopped up the mess with my handkerchief and some deli napkins, I noticed the hot guy was gone — which is so just like a hot guy. Leaving me to take my trousers directly to the dry cleaners.
As I picked out a new outfit for that evening, I pondered the rest of Thoreau’s statement, (not really, I just need to wrap up this blog post) “Perhaps we should never procure a new suit, however ragged or dirty the old, until we have so conducted, so enterprised or sailed in some way, that we feel like new men in the old.”
Yeah, whatever.
Currently Watching: Listening To: “Comedy Bang Bang” podcast ep 77
Currently Wearing: Blue H&M tank top, cutoff “J Brand” jean shorts
